We just came back from a Mexican luncheon with Dan's sister Paula and her husband Van. While there somehow we started talking about cussing. As a joke I turned to mom and said,
"I remember every bad word you said to me as a kid."
She said, "Oh yeah, I didn't even know you then."
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
The Circle of Life
Yesterday I had lunch with another Alzheimer caregiver-- a luncheon date set up by my dear neighbor and friend Anne whose own mother died with Alzheimer's disease. Anne thought perhaps I might benefit from Linda's story.
A few days before we met, Linda's mother-in-law actually died from the disease, but she still wanted to meet me. While at lunch I learned that Linda's own mother also died of the disease along with 3 of Linda's aunts. Linda's husband's family also has a long history of dementia. She says she has always been the "One" as Bob Demarco (Alzheimer Reading Room) refers to the caregiver. Linda is still not done as she will be flying out east shortly to check in on her aging aunt & uncle who also have the disease. She commented how it always seemed to be one member of a family who steps up to this role. I also have found that to be the case.
Looking into her eyes I could see the soul of a person who understands exactly what I am living each and every day. With Anne I receive the same level of comfort as she too understands. As we were sitting there another friend Jenny who just lost her mother in the last month to Alzheimers walked in. So there we were the four of us all of which whose mothers had this terrible disease with my mother Lily the only one left still alive. I have many many wonderful friends but the knowing concerned looks in these fellow caregivers eyes reach through to my soul and fill me up at times so desperately needed.
Linda told me a story regarding her mother which I would love to share. Linda's mother worked in a school cafeteria and took it on herself to be sure no child ever went hungry. At lunchtime she watched out for them and apparently she touched many a child's heart. Many years later when Linda had to place her mother in a nursing facility after years of caregiving she discovered that one of her mother's nursing aides had been one of these children. This caregiver told Linda how her mother watched over her and how she would do and did watch over her mother lovingly till the end.
The circle of life. We like to think what goes around comes around and in this particular case that certainly proved true.
A few days before we met, Linda's mother-in-law actually died from the disease, but she still wanted to meet me. While at lunch I learned that Linda's own mother also died of the disease along with 3 of Linda's aunts. Linda's husband's family also has a long history of dementia. She says she has always been the "One" as Bob Demarco (Alzheimer Reading Room) refers to the caregiver. Linda is still not done as she will be flying out east shortly to check in on her aging aunt & uncle who also have the disease. She commented how it always seemed to be one member of a family who steps up to this role. I also have found that to be the case.
Looking into her eyes I could see the soul of a person who understands exactly what I am living each and every day. With Anne I receive the same level of comfort as she too understands. As we were sitting there another friend Jenny who just lost her mother in the last month to Alzheimers walked in. So there we were the four of us all of which whose mothers had this terrible disease with my mother Lily the only one left still alive. I have many many wonderful friends but the knowing concerned looks in these fellow caregivers eyes reach through to my soul and fill me up at times so desperately needed.
Linda told me a story regarding her mother which I would love to share. Linda's mother worked in a school cafeteria and took it on herself to be sure no child ever went hungry. At lunchtime she watched out for them and apparently she touched many a child's heart. Many years later when Linda had to place her mother in a nursing facility after years of caregiving she discovered that one of her mother's nursing aides had been one of these children. This caregiver told Linda how her mother watched over her and how she would do and did watch over her mother lovingly till the end.
The circle of life. We like to think what goes around comes around and in this particular case that certainly proved true.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Last Twelve Hours
Reminded her to go to the bathroom. Turned on her tv. Fed her cat. Cleaned out the litter box.
There done. 9:30pm ready to relax for the evening. Got into my pj's, grabbed a book, settled into bed.
10pm. Ryan home and heard him talking to Lily. Hmmmm wonder why she is up. Went out to hall and there she was just coming up from downstairs all dressed in her "tomorrow's outfit", teeth in.
"Oh there you are. I thought you were gone." arggggggggg...............
So we start again....................
This morning after the morning routine off to St. Leonards with Lily in her diamond earrings.
Pulling in "I'm going here again."
"And what are you going to do all day?" she says to me with one of those looks on her face like... I know what you are doing and it's not hanging out with me.
I said, "Oh I have to go to the vet. Mom you will have fun with your friends and maybe you will be the big winner of bingo again. Remember you won 50 cents last time."
"Fifty bloody cents. Big deal. You know what I will tell them. Stick it up your........"
As we pull towards the building she says, "See that there. That is where they put us ......in the basement."
I have to say I was surprised that where the daycare was had been noticed by her and she had put an implication behind the location. Her awareness still catches me off guard at times.
I suppose if I didn't already know and see how much mom actually enjoys the setting and interaction especially with the staff those comments above would upset me. The staff are so nice to Lily and obviously are fond of her and she them. I met a volunteer there today named Maureen who started last Friday and plans to volunteer each week. She was very nice and I was quite touched that people out there do care and want to help. She said to me, "have a wonderful day." And you know I think I will.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Incontinence
This morning Lily had another accident, the second time in a couple of days and an increasing problem in the last couple of months. Both times I have found her wet pants early in the morning after she had already changed out of her PJ's. She takes them off and places them over the register in her room so you can imagine the smell when I open the door. She then puts her PJ's back on as I only keep one outfit in there at a time to prevent her "packing" behavior.
I was pondering this as I was driving thinking perhaps it was time to suggest depends and really not liking the indignity that would bring to her.
The more I thought about it I wondered why these accidents were coming more and more frequent and the timing of them. During the day she is not incontinent and her bed has rarely been wet. Then it came to me. I bet she is getting up and immediately getting dressed and when she goes to use the bathroom it is occupied by one of my children. Lately I have noticed that when she has to go there is no time to wait. And yes I have had her checked for a bladder infection. I believe her mind due to Alzheimers is just not registering that her bladder is full quick enough so when it is time she must immediately go to the restroom.
So I was wondering if it used to be she could wait for the kids to get out but now she can't and she does not have the judgement to knock on the door or to go to another bathroom and that is why the accident happens.
So before I try the depends I am going to alter our behavior to try to facilitate hers and have the kids take all their morning showers in our bathroom and see if that alleviates the problem.
Perhaps we can hold off on the depends a little longer................
I was pondering this as I was driving thinking perhaps it was time to suggest depends and really not liking the indignity that would bring to her.
The more I thought about it I wondered why these accidents were coming more and more frequent and the timing of them. During the day she is not incontinent and her bed has rarely been wet. Then it came to me. I bet she is getting up and immediately getting dressed and when she goes to use the bathroom it is occupied by one of my children. Lately I have noticed that when she has to go there is no time to wait. And yes I have had her checked for a bladder infection. I believe her mind due to Alzheimers is just not registering that her bladder is full quick enough so when it is time she must immediately go to the restroom.
So I was wondering if it used to be she could wait for the kids to get out but now she can't and she does not have the judgement to knock on the door or to go to another bathroom and that is why the accident happens.
So before I try the depends I am going to alter our behavior to try to facilitate hers and have the kids take all their morning showers in our bathroom and see if that alleviates the problem.
Perhaps we can hold off on the depends a little longer................
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Old Notes
I was going through mom's paperwork this morning and came across an old list I made back in December 04 (a little over 5 years ago) regarding mom's behavior when she was living alone in SC.
- very forgetful ex. left oven on and forgetting recent conversations
- does not take her thyroid medication properly nor does not see importance of doing so
- mailed me 2 birthday cards.
- trouble with bill paying
- buying clothes she doesn't need and many still have price tags still on them
- repetitive
- confused at times- reorients quickly
- cooking difficulties and forgetting to eat. ex. made ravioli without any sauce
- numerous grocery items of the same type ex. salad dressing, butter, jam
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
