My Keys

 Driving home from Ryan's final basketball game, I heard Lily rummaging through her person.

"Mom, what are you looking for?"


"I can't find my keys."

To which Dan said, "That's ok we will just break a window."

Lily quickly said, "You're kidding right."

Bypassing the issue that she has lived with us for 3 years, I said,  "Mom, don't worry we left the doors unlocked." 


"Oh good." as she zipped up her purse.  "I guess nobody would try to get in."

and my dear husband said, "Nobody would think you were dumb enough to leave the door unlocked."

which made Lilybird laugh.  And when we arrived home we all went inside without a word

Response to the reader Deborah

The below post written by me was published on the Alzheimer Reading Room blog a couple of days ago. 

In response to the reader Deborah who wrote:

I am caring for my Mother-in-law she has advanced Alzheimer and a serious heart condition. I have felt all on the emotions that you shared. The loneliness is amazing.

We recently acquired the help of Hospice. I now have an aide 4 hours a day, 5 days a week. I have been able to finally sleep. My out look has improved. We are often in crisis and it wears all of us out.

I feel bad for asking god to just let her die in peace. Does anyone else feel that way?

 

Reading your question I feel the guilt you are feeling for having these thoughts.  Yes, I am sure many caregivers feel the same way as you.  Being a nurse and having seen the realities of end-stage disease many times death is not always the worst option.   I ask God frequently to spare Lily and take her before she gets further along in her disease process.

Why you might ask?..... Lily has a reasonably good life at this point. True, from the neck down her health is great, but I see my mother slowly withdrawing from the things in life that have always made her life enjoyable. Looking down the Alzheimer road I see what we have in our future....eventual loss of all her abilities to take care of herself and participate in a quality life.

Lily will no longer be able to articulate her feelings or have the ability or desire to nourish herself becoming so weak that sitting up will not be possible. Withdrawing from life,  Lily will sleep her days away and slowly starve till her body begins to shut down. I will never consent to a feeding tube to extend Lily’s life as dying of starvation would be easier than lingering in a state of despair for her and her family.  You see Alzheimer's disease is always 100 percent fatal.

If her heart were to give out before developing the symptoms of end stage Alzheimer's that would be a blessing and a much easier death.  I have no guilt saying this as I know my Mother and we have discussed this topic prior to her diagnosis and if she were in her rational mind she would tell me not to do anything to prolong her life. She would hope to go quickly and be kept as comfortable as possible. Even now from her Alzheimer point of view the other day she said put me in the grave when I go kaput.  What she doesn't understand is that is indeed what is happening to her each day bit by bit.  She would be mortified if she knew she was spending time coloring as a child would (in adult day care), repeating herself over and over, or the fact that she needs constant supervision.

So for me the choice is simple. I will continue to make what time she has left as comfortable and enjoyable as I can but when the time comes that her body begins to fail I will let nature take its course holding her hand, loving her, and letting go.

Laugh out Loud (I couldn't resist)

Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing homeWhen an old Grandpa walked by.

And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying,
"We bet we can tell exactly how old you  are."  
The  old man said,
"There is no way you can guess it, you old fools."
One of the old Grandmas said,
"Sure we can!  Just  drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.."
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.. Then they all piped up and said,  
"You're 87 years old!"  
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked,
"How in the world did you guess?"  
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison...
"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"

 

Funny Faces

Nana remarked to Emily that she liked her hat, so Ryan being the pest he can be ran and found her one of her own and a not very attractive one at that.  He then spent several minutes trying to get it over her head.  Once in place, of course, the funny faces began!

1963 Milwaukee Wisconsin

Dad, Grandma Gehrke, Lily, Aunt Tillie, Grandpa,
Kerry & Tim up front

Visiting the Folks!

Dancing with Ryan August 09

Morning Conversation

Here is a snippet of our conversation while on the 5 minute drive to St. Leonards where Mom participates in adult day care.

Lily:  "Oh am I going to that place where they all are half asleep and then there is me just sitting there."

Kerry:  "Yes, Mom.  They are not all sleeping.  You enjoy your visits there."

Lily:   "Yes they are.  They are all old in their 70's."

Kerry:  "Mom are you old?"

Lily:  "Yes, I am old but I can still do everything I used to do.  One day though it will all go kaput and be all gone."

Kerry:  "Well Mom,  what am I going to do with you then?"

Lily:  "Just put me in the grave.  I hope you have the money or else they will just leave me in the snow. "

By the way I left Lily drinking coffee sitting next to another lady and they seemed to be enjoying each others company.