Remember for Me

This morning one of my articles was put on the Alzheimer Reading Room blog which is published by Bob DeMarco who lives in Delray Beach Florida.  Bob is the primary caretaker for his mother who has Alzheimer disease. His blog is a wonderful site offering a wealth of information, insight, and support for those with the disease and those taking care of loved ones with Alzheimers.
The link is directly to my article and my article I posted below the link.

 http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/2010/02/remember-for-me.html

This evening Lily, Dan, & I attended the Dayton Contemporary Dance Company's (DCDC) winter concert which was fabulous.  Prior to the performance we attended a reception for VIP season ticket holders.   They had a nice spread of hordeurves, dessert, & beverages.  Lily remarked that she did not remember ever being treated like this at another dance event.

I replied, "Well this is their way of thanking the people who purchased their most expensive tickets." (which we do by the way to support our daughter who is in DCDC2)

Lily said, "I do that?" as she was sipping her coffee.

To which I replied kiddingly, "No, we do that. You are just along for the ride."

Lily, laughing,  about spit out her coffee.  (She has been doing that a lot lately!)


One of the dance numbers had a voice recording going with a line that stuck in my head.

"When I die, remember me because that is how you will keep me alive."

My mind then jumped to:

"When my brain dies, remember me because that is how you will keep me alive."

which led to:

"When my brain dies, remind me because that is how you will keep me alive."

With Lily I might decide why bother bringing her to dances, shows, movies, events, cruises, etc.

She won't remember, will she?

With Lily I might decide why bother dressing her nice, applying her make up, feeding her favorite foods.

She won't remember whether I do or not or even why it matters, will she?

With Lily, I might forget to include her in conversation, encourage her to laugh, forget what she always enjoyed.

She won't remember, will she?

Maybe not the way we suppose is right.  However, inside somewhere in her core, deep down,  I know she does.  I believe she picks up on the feelings of those around her.  We, her family, are her memory.  We are the reminders to her life.  We are what keep her alive.  For without that she might as well be dead.

"Remember for me because that is how you keep me alive."

Blooming Lilys

The bulbs we planted from the kit Anne our neighbor gave Lily have bloomed.  The flowers look like miniature Lilys which I think is quite appropriate.  What do you think?

My Hair

Lily looking in the mirror..........."Hey I'm white.  What happened?

                                   I use to be RED.  Remember?"

Me not knowing how to break the news......"Well Mom I hate to tell you this but you've grown old."

"Well.   I didn't like the red anyway.  I was glad when that was gone."

Whiskey on a Sunday

Ugly One Over There

I had Lily's post up on my computer screen from a couple of days ago.

Lily said,    "That's an ugly one over there."

Walking closer she said,

"She is wearing the same thing I had on yesterday.  I don't know why she has her fingers up like that. 
She must be joking.  That's my mom.  She is wearing my jacket or maybe I was wearing hers."

Thoughts on Showering

Alzheimer's Reading Room: Cleanliness is Next to Godliness -- Let's take a Shower

I read this article from the Alzheimer Reading Room today and it got me thinking so here is my response to this article.  I included the first two paragraphs of my response as a comment at the end of the article.

I have to agree the shower/bath issue is a very challenging aspect of caring for the Alzheimer patient.  Mom too also dislikes taking a shower.  She especially dislikes water over her face.  I know Alzheimer patients typically do not like to be in the water and with mom she has the added dimension of never learning to swim so water to her has always had a fear component attached.

Lily grew up in Ireland so she has always felt Americans spend too much time in the shower anyway.  As kids, as long as we took a bath or shower once or twice a week, she was happy with that.  As a teenager though I too fell into the American pattern of showering everyday.  My kids (age 18 & 21) sometimes take 2 showers per day!

However I have really never forgotten my roots so when Mom stopped taking regular showers on her own, I thought to myself why push this issue.  I am content with her taking a shower 2-3 times per week.  She has an aide on Thursdays who makes sure she showers and then I do the same on Tuesday and once during the weekend.  I feel it is important as caregivers to recognize when relaxing some of our own high standards might be in the best interest of our loved ones and relieve some of the stress we deal with each day.

With mom I just say time for your shower and off we go. I don’t ask her if she wants to take one or go into any reasons why showering is important.  Often I find the less I try to convince the better.  I tell her to get undressed and then I go gather up clean clothes.  She is able to turn on the water herself and hop in, however I always check the temperature because I have found on occasion the water to be quite hot or even cold and she obviously does not recognize that.

Recently I started washing Lily’s hair once per week.  I had assumed (wrongly) that Lily had been washing her own hair except on the occasions of going to the salon because her hair never looked oily and did not smell bad.  However last visit to the salon they showed me where her scalp in the back of her head was a little crusty, red, and scratched (although I have never seen her scratch her head).  At that point I realized I was not doing a good job in this area, therefore I have added the weekly task of shampooing to my list.

While shampooing her hair  I noticed that if I hold her hand the whole time her head is under the water for rinsing she is much more relaxed.  I also have a towel close by to help her dry her eyes immediately when getting out.  She too just washes the most important areas and I take her for periodic pedicures so her feet get a good soak!

Once Lily is in the shower I remove all her dirty clothes because if I don’t she tends to put them back on.  I then do her hair and make up. I suppose this is where it gets a little tricky.   I could still let her do her own hair and make up because she would.  The problem is that with her hair she just wets it and brushes it straight back which looks terrible.  With her make up she paints on black, brown, or blue eyebrows whichever color she finds first and cakes on her make up.   I have made a conscious decision to take over these jobs knowing that she will forget how and also knowing I am ratcheting her independence down another notch because………

Lily has always cared so much about her appearance.  Her make up and hair always had to be on to leave the house.  She would be mortified knowing I was letting her be seen by others looking bad or that people might be talking about the old lady with the blue eyebrows.    Same with her clothes, she always dressed so nice and now does not have that same capability so I always try to make sure her clothes are clean, matching, and look nice.

Church

Mom and I were discussing church this morning.

"What do you do there?"    (Remember Lily has been a long time non-believer after growing up Catholic)

"Praying for you."  I replied.

She started laughing,  "Oh yeah,  I don't believe that for a minute."

I said, "Mom I bet your mother is turning over in her grave hearing you talk like that."

"Ah heck, she turned the other way along time ago."