Monday, May 24, 2010

First Day

It is over -- the first day..........

The last few weeks have been quite anxious for me in anticipation of the first day.  Constant seesawing back and forth as to whether I made the right decision.  Worry and hope fighting it out.  Ultimately after making the decision to proceed, my prayers to God asked for him to slam the door shut if this was not the right path for Lily.  The doors continued to open and all fell into place.

We arrived in time for lunch today where Lily was placed at a table with another lady and 2 empty chairs.  The lady at the table just stared without response to our friendly hellos.  When I pulled out a chair for Lily a lady at the next table quickly informed us that someone else sat there.  So I quickly pulled out another chair for Lily. This was the only time all day that Lily looked at me a little fearfully like I don't want to be here.   I was thinking "just great...." what a way to start when another lady at the next table introduced herself to Lily and told her all the other ladies names.  She appeared to be quite high functioning and friendly.  Shortly thereafter a gentleman was seated at Lily's right and the two of them proceeded to chat for the remainder of lunch.  Once I saw that she was ok I went off with Dana from admissions to sign the paperwork and then left the building to continue my shopping for Lily's room.

I came back around 2pm with my friend Sande who had arrived earlier bring Lily a beautiful bouquet of flowers from her garden.  After observing Lily chatting in the garden with another lady we proceeded to make her bed with new linens, blankets, and an eggcrate mattess.

Emily and Ryan arrived a little after 3pm and went to find Lily in the garden visiting with her and her new friend for a short while.  They then brought Lily back to the room where she remarked several times about objects in the room she recognized as hers.  She alternated betweens remarks such as,

"This is nice.  I wouldn't mind living here."  to "I am not going to live here."

I never told her directly that this was her new home as she would never accept that.  I learned that the hard way 3 years ago when she came to live with me. 
I am hoping that gradually she will become familiar with Bethany and grow comfortable accepting her surroundings.

We then escorted her to dinner and after we saw that she was settled in and chatting, we told her we had to leave and run errands.  She seemed fine.

I asked Ryan if it was nicer than he expected and he said it was what he expected.  "All old people........Lily is so much better than all of them."
I reminded Ryan Lily is also old and if I didn't do her hair, makeup, and dress her, she too would look the part.  Of course he disagreed.  To him his Nana is a notch above all the rest and I guess that is how it should be.

Emily on the other hand is not saying too much.  She does not seem happy with anything we have done with the room as if no amount of decorating convinces her this is the right place for Lily.  I can't really argue with that either.

So the big test will be in the morning in how Lily responds to me when I walk through her door.  Will she be spitting mad, agitated, more confused, or will she say "Oh there you are."  with a smile on her face. 

Please God let that be the case.


  1. It sounds like the time was right, and I know you prayed often over your decision to move your mom to Bethany. I will be praying for all of you, Kerry. Cindy (Amy's mom)

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  3. Geez, now my heart is with Emily and Ryan. I bet Ms. Lily will say "oh, there you are!" And you are so right about the look - hair, lipstick, and clothing keeps our moms from appearing unkept and neglected.

  4. Its a step in the direction you don't want to go, but really have no choice. This whole process just sucks.

  5. Thank You Cindy and Congrats on your new grandson. I will check out his pictures as soon as I get a chance to catch my breath. With Ryan graduating and Mom's situation I have been going non stop. Take care,

  6. Judy Mom did not say that but darn close. She had a great day and it all went much better than I expected. The staff there already love her so I anticipate this to be a good fit.

  7. Debbie You are right I truly did not want to go there and Alzheimer's does suck. I have to say though so far the process of placing Lily in a nursing home has gone extraordinarily smooth. Thank you God. I can hardly believe it.