Looking concerned she said to me, "You know I just thought of something. I don't know if my mother will be there when you drop me off at home."
I was so surprised by this statement I said, "But Mom your Mother died over 50 years ago."
"She did? Nobody from Ireland even told me that. What about Sean?" (her brother)
"I said Mom he also is dead."
"I just can't believe nobody let me know."
Of course I reassured her she was told and has known for some time but had forgotten this information.
Later in the afternoon, she was sitting at the counter looking a little down so I said, "Come on Mom let's take the dogs for a walk around the block."
"I'm not really in the mood for that."
I said, "Why is something wrong?"
"Well if you heard the news I heard today you wouldn't be feeling very good either."
Forgetting our earlier conversation, I said, "What news."
"My Mom is dead."
Margaret O'Callaghan 1920
I felt so bad for her and at the same time it was unsettling to think of her mourning her mother's death which had occurred so long ago. If I could take back my words I would have simply have said with the first question, "Oh I am sure someone will be home" and left it at that. I guess I was just so caught off guard and answered in the worst way possible. I should have know better.
Odd how most events she forgets 30 seconds later but that
conversation stuck with her the whole day.
Kerry:
ReplyDeleteSaw your post and hope today is a better day. It hit me how you must wrestle back and forth with how you answer even the simplest of questions - and never knowing if you are working in the reality of today or reality of yesteryear.I'm guessing you have days where Lil's cognizance is OK and you reach for that dialogue/understanding where things are as they are... only to get sidetracked in a day like yesterday. The point is, hoping you do not get down for "should have known better" cause I'm thinking there is no way to really know better and those "good" days where you and Mom spend in the here and now are maybe worth the reach....
Bob:
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. I really love blogging as it is so therapeutic writing down what we are going through dealing with this disease. Receiving comments such as yours really helps to "fill me up" when sometimes the loneliness/emptiness begins to creep in. Support in all forms is so appreciated when tough days call.